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Bert Hellinger's "Orders of Love"

Bert Hellinger found that every family system has natural laws that govern the health of the system. He called these the “Orders of Love.”

Bert HellingerBert Hellinger
Eight Orders of Love* (Or laws that contain the success of love in family systems).
 
1. Parents give, and Children take (Parents give life)

2. Parents give more than Children (There is always a disparity in favor of the parents in giving)

3. Love succeeds best when children are children and parent are parents. (Children cannot be bigger than their parents - Parents cannot make children big - Parentification)

4. Honoring the Right to Membership (all family members have an equal right to belong)

5. Maintaining Completeness (A family system feels whole and complete when everyone belongs)

6. Protecting the Hierarchy within a System (precedence is based on time – who came before is first)

7. Maintaining Precedence Between Different Systems (the newest family system has precedence over the previous family system)

8. Accepting the Limitation of Time (Families must release the past that no longer has a good effect) 


Additional systemic dynamics: 

1. A family system is brought into symmetry when the masculine is allowed to lead in the true service of the family and the feminine. (The masculine role protects the family; the feminine role nurtures it.)

2. We cannot love anyone we identify with or are entangled (We can only love a person we experience as separate from us.)

3. Whoever gives too much or takes too much in a relationship creates an imbalanced, unstable or static relationship that often turns into conflict. (Dynamic reciprocity)

4. When a victim sees their perpetrator is guilty and the perpetrator sees their victim suffered, the tragic bond between them can be released. (Victims must see that the perpetrator is actually guilty for what was done). 

5. When a family comes into its correct symmetry everyone relaxes. (Order stabilizes energy)

*Bert Hellinger with Gunthard Weber and Hunter Beaumont, Love’s Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships, (1998) pages 51-53, 92-94, 152-159. (Edited by Suzi Tucker)

​Annotations by Barry Krost

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  • Family Constellations
    • What are Family Constellations? >
      • The Orders of Love
      • Books & Articles
      • Hellinger & Family Constellations Quotes
      • Join FC email list
    • Online Private Sessions & Group Workshops >
      • Online Private Session Information >
        • Schedule Private Online Sessions
        • After Your Session
      • Online Workshops >
        • Online Workshop Schedule and Information
        • Online Workshop Registration
        • Representative Guidelines
      • Online Group >
        • Monthly Online Group Information
        • Online Group Registration
    • Workshops in Chicago >
      • Monthly Workshops in Chicago Information
      • Monthly Workshop Registration
      • Weekend Workshops in Chicago >
        • Weekend Workshops Chicago Information
        • Weekend Workshop Registration
    • Online Facilitator Certification
    • Essential Elements of Facilitation >
      • Essential Elements of Facilitation Information
      • Essential Elements Registration
    • Individual Mentoring / Supervision >
      • Individual Mentoring Scheduling
    • Purchase Page
  • Life Coaching
    • Schedule a Life Coaching Session
  • Bodywork & Energy
    • Bodywork & Energy Healing Information
    • Schedule a Session
    • Ortho-Bionomy®
    • Reflexology
    • Energy Healing
    • Myofascial
    • Lymphatic Techniques
    • Trigger Points Therapy
    • Health Resources
  • Book a Consultation
  • About Barry Krost
    • Code of Ethics
  • Contact