What are Family Constellations?
Family Constellations were developed by Bert Hellinger, a German psychotherapist, who wanted to understand how many of the problems we suffer from were coming from our family system. He developed a therapeutic process where these hidden family dynamics could be seen and healed, primarily by having volunteers represent what was being concealed.
Family Constellation can help us understand how we share the suffering of family members and/or ancestors with whom we are entangled. These entanglements (or identifications) within family systems is a source of illness, emotional distress, anxiety, depression, trauma and problems in relationships, work and career.
With Family Constellations we can discover how to acknowledge this suffering differently and separate ourselves from it. When we can see family members or ancestors as distinct from us, we don’t need to share their fate. We can begin to live our own unique lives freed from burdens that were never ours.
Family Constellations can also help resolve issues around our birth and attachment style with our biological parents. Often family system issues interfere with the natural process of connecting and belonging with our parents and later separating and individuating from them to form our own adult lives. Our ability to take life from them and feel enough to have our own life is often compromised. Family Constellations can help to resolve issues around attachment and taking life.
Hellinger found that every family system has natural laws which govern the health of the system. He called these the Orders of Love. When these laws are violated in some way love and relationships are damaged leading to generational trauma, suffering and fragmentation. Family Constellations can see where this order is broken and use the Order of Love for insight to repair the source of suffering and restore the natural flow of love and relationship.
One of the most important natural laws is that all members of a family system belong and must have a place. If someone in the system is not given a place, then younger members can become "entangled" with the issues surrounding the one who is excluded or even take on the excluded member’s difficult fate. This is particularly true with ancestors who have been forgotten or shunned or become a secret. These unconscious entanglements are behind most of the issues that are explored in Family Constellations.
By the conclusion of the Family Constellation, the client can come into a different relationship with their parents and their family system. They can also learn to let go of what cannot be healed, what is not their business, or find alternative sources of love and connection. The client can discover how to let go of past entanglements and move into a life more fully their own.
Family Constellation can help us understand how we share the suffering of family members and/or ancestors with whom we are entangled. These entanglements (or identifications) within family systems is a source of illness, emotional distress, anxiety, depression, trauma and problems in relationships, work and career.
With Family Constellations we can discover how to acknowledge this suffering differently and separate ourselves from it. When we can see family members or ancestors as distinct from us, we don’t need to share their fate. We can begin to live our own unique lives freed from burdens that were never ours.
Family Constellations can also help resolve issues around our birth and attachment style with our biological parents. Often family system issues interfere with the natural process of connecting and belonging with our parents and later separating and individuating from them to form our own adult lives. Our ability to take life from them and feel enough to have our own life is often compromised. Family Constellations can help to resolve issues around attachment and taking life.
Hellinger found that every family system has natural laws which govern the health of the system. He called these the Orders of Love. When these laws are violated in some way love and relationships are damaged leading to generational trauma, suffering and fragmentation. Family Constellations can see where this order is broken and use the Order of Love for insight to repair the source of suffering and restore the natural flow of love and relationship.
One of the most important natural laws is that all members of a family system belong and must have a place. If someone in the system is not given a place, then younger members can become "entangled" with the issues surrounding the one who is excluded or even take on the excluded member’s difficult fate. This is particularly true with ancestors who have been forgotten or shunned or become a secret. These unconscious entanglements are behind most of the issues that are explored in Family Constellations.
By the conclusion of the Family Constellation, the client can come into a different relationship with their parents and their family system. They can also learn to let go of what cannot be healed, what is not their business, or find alternative sources of love and connection. The client can discover how to let go of past entanglements and move into a life more fully their own.
Issues that benefit from Family Constellations work
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Podcast on the Value of Family Constellations
Listen to an interview of Barry Krost on the Value of Family Constellations with Modita van Zummeren for her podcast, “From Pain to Being." The podcast ‘From Pain to Being’ can be listened via Spotify, Google Podcast, Apple Podcast, Stitcher and Podbean.
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Testimonials about Family Constellations sessions and workshops
"As a teacher and facilitator of Family and Systemic Constellations, Barry Krost is one of those rare gems whose words and practices align and land in a place of heart-centered compassion and authenticity. Throw in some solid humility and a dash of humor, and the outcome results in a lighthearted sense of safety for the client/student on the receiving end to explore their family/systemic dynamics in greater depth. His grasp of the conceptual is masterful, and yet, he is open to being challenged and changed, as he journeys through the work with you as a gentle guide. I’m delighted and relieved to know that Barry’s wisdom is reaching far and wide these days, and am deeply honored to travel in the same sacred healing circles as this gifted soul!"
--Susan Crimmins, Ph.D.
Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP), MSW, Certified Energy Healer, Facilitator of Systemic Constellations with Horse
“Life as I know it has been shifting in the most peacefully invigorating ways since my first Family Constellation Workshop with Barry Krost. Each time, no matter whether I’m the client, the representative, or the witness, I experience elements of my family and interpersonal relationships, as well as life in general showing up in incrementally improved ways.
Barry’s passion and enthusiasm for ancestral healing and personal growth is infectious. While respectfully honoring and communicating Bert Hellinger’s foundational teachings, Barry is a unique and masterful facilitator, teacher, mentor, and healer. He is continually implementing innovative workshops to address current life situations, working with energies in all realms, in addition to addressing foundational issues.
Barry often humorously tells us that he doesn’t know what the $#^@&* he’s doing. It is obvious to all of us fortunate to be in a therapeutic session with him, that Barry’s ability to be in the flow of the present moment informs his ability to tune into and execute exactly what is needed in each moment of healing”
-- Lisa H, Palatine IL
"Immediately following our Family Constellations session on my back pain and the entanglement behind it, when I stood up, the right hip area felt like it was swollen like the size of a round watermelon – puffed up/bloated. I took it easy laid on couch to rest, bed early & slept easily on left side/back for 10 hours! Wow.
Its amazing how so much improvement in less than 24 hours – better than it’s been in 5 months & I’m not exaggerating, and each day is better than the last.
I am able to stand/walk/sit long times without pain. The hip, back and muscles I know need to heal so I’ll continue to support it with supplements/vitamins, rest, gentle stretches, strengthening and let it do what it needs to do in it’s time frame."
-- GJ - Canada
"I have been receiving individual Family Constellation sessions from Barry for almost a year. Barry is gifted in accessing and directly attending to deep wounds and facilitating transformation at a soul level. I struggled with multiple layers of trauma for many years before receiving sessions with Barry. Very early on and in every session, I developed clarity and healing around complex traumatic issues that I was previously feeling perplexed by and hopeless about. Family Constellation sessions with Barry have refreshed and illuminated my nervous system, psyche, and soul after years of agony, confusion, and fatigue.
I transitioned to online Family Constellation sessions with Barry in March after the stay-at-home orders in Illinois were implemented. I have experienced the same quality of profound depth, intuition, and healing through Family Constellation online sessions as I did in person. Barry is able to pick up on and address vibrational realities that he addresses in Family Constellation work regardless of physical distance. This further speaks to the healing that takes place on a fine vibrational field beyond physical limitations in Family Constellation sessions.
I am a psychotherapist in training. The clearing of my aura and psyche as a result of Family Constellation work has greatly improved my presence with my clients and significantly expanded on the positive changes I witness in them as a result. I have gained so much greater access to my deeply buried true nature as a result of this priceless work, and I will always be grateful to Barry."
-- L.A., Chicago, IL, Psychotherapist in training
"For the first time in my life, I don't walk around laden with feelings of guilt for everything I did/do/say/think. For once I can look at myself and consider myself created just as God wanted to create me, not full of flaws that make me faulty, less than a real person, and a disappointment to God and other people.”
-- R. P. Chicago, IL
"What I didn’t realize until I met Barry Krost is that the thing for which I was searching, the reason I was exhausting all available therapies, the piece of my life for which I was longing so terribly was within me. In my first session with Barry, he created a space for me so that I could feel what love is. “Do you feel that expansiveness? Right here,” he asked as he put his hand on my heart. “That is always there. You can have that whenever you want.”
Since then, Barry and I have had breakthroughs in every session. From children to career, to my theatrical life, to education, to cleaning, to math, to test taking, to childhood, to in-laws and grandparents, Barry has shown me through Family Constellations that we can find the root of whatever keeps us from moving forward. Never have I experienced a therapy or therapist so truthful, pure, and effective. I owe him more than I can express."
-- E. C., (Chicago, IL)
"It took me many years to attend a Family Constellation Workshop with Barry Krost. I tend to lean towards evidence-based interventions that are logical and pragmatic. Eventually I found this approach to be limiting, and my conventional strategies of psychotherapy and medication were not working. I felt stuck, in a rut, revisiting the same past hurts again and again and living a day-to-day life haunted by a pervasive anxiety and chronic pain. One day, I took a what-the-hell it's only $45 attitude, and figured at the very least it couldn't hurt.
I was completely blown away. This form of therapy is so much more holistic than anything that I have tried before, and I have done the gamut (CBT, EMDR, MBSR, somatic-emotional release, client-centered psychotherapy, internal family systems, etc.) Family Constellation Workshops are physical, kinesthetic, emotional, and spiritual work. I grew up in a less than supportive environment and I tend to be highly critical of myself, and often unfairly of others. The unconditional and unwavering support of this group was truly profound. The people in the workshop helped ground me in knowledge that I began to accept at an emotional level rather than superficial intellectual understanding.
To give an example, at one point I leaned back into a line of about seven women who were standing there with the sole purpose of supporting me. As my resistance and need to be in control finally began to soften, the woman behind me spontaneously began to hum like a mother does to a child. Almost immediately, I melted and I began to weep, not in the half choked sobs I am familiar with, but a gentle catharsis of grief I had been holding on to for years. I had held so many others up in times of pain, given when I had nothing left to give, and now I leaned back into the steady strength of a literal line of women and a symbolic lineage of mothers. Their wordless, selfless compassion registered in my body and soul and lifted me up. Barry intuited that I was rushing myself, ashamed of taking too much time... and he told me "take all the time you need. This is for you," and he whispered to the woman behind me "she's never had this before." He was right. For the first time I truly *felt* that I was not alone. I was supported, I was cherished, loved, and safe. In the sacredness of that space I was finally able to *receive* and I will carry it with me always.
-- E, (Madison, WI)
"Barry's distinctions of the Barely Dead and the Radiant Dead and how to work with them in the Constellations context are enormously helpful to my own healing process and in my work with others. Through two visualization processes, I was able to support ancestors who didn't know they were dead on towards their Peace and Loves on the other side. Barry works in a way that is very respectful of the Dead and their role in support of the Living. He is also very conscious of bringing to awareness and healing what has held these ancestors in our field."
-- Marianne Connor
--Susan Crimmins, Ph.D.
Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP), MSW, Certified Energy Healer, Facilitator of Systemic Constellations with Horse
“Life as I know it has been shifting in the most peacefully invigorating ways since my first Family Constellation Workshop with Barry Krost. Each time, no matter whether I’m the client, the representative, or the witness, I experience elements of my family and interpersonal relationships, as well as life in general showing up in incrementally improved ways.
Barry’s passion and enthusiasm for ancestral healing and personal growth is infectious. While respectfully honoring and communicating Bert Hellinger’s foundational teachings, Barry is a unique and masterful facilitator, teacher, mentor, and healer. He is continually implementing innovative workshops to address current life situations, working with energies in all realms, in addition to addressing foundational issues.
Barry often humorously tells us that he doesn’t know what the $#^@&* he’s doing. It is obvious to all of us fortunate to be in a therapeutic session with him, that Barry’s ability to be in the flow of the present moment informs his ability to tune into and execute exactly what is needed in each moment of healing”
-- Lisa H, Palatine IL
"Immediately following our Family Constellations session on my back pain and the entanglement behind it, when I stood up, the right hip area felt like it was swollen like the size of a round watermelon – puffed up/bloated. I took it easy laid on couch to rest, bed early & slept easily on left side/back for 10 hours! Wow.
Its amazing how so much improvement in less than 24 hours – better than it’s been in 5 months & I’m not exaggerating, and each day is better than the last.
I am able to stand/walk/sit long times without pain. The hip, back and muscles I know need to heal so I’ll continue to support it with supplements/vitamins, rest, gentle stretches, strengthening and let it do what it needs to do in it’s time frame."
-- GJ - Canada
"I have been receiving individual Family Constellation sessions from Barry for almost a year. Barry is gifted in accessing and directly attending to deep wounds and facilitating transformation at a soul level. I struggled with multiple layers of trauma for many years before receiving sessions with Barry. Very early on and in every session, I developed clarity and healing around complex traumatic issues that I was previously feeling perplexed by and hopeless about. Family Constellation sessions with Barry have refreshed and illuminated my nervous system, psyche, and soul after years of agony, confusion, and fatigue.
I transitioned to online Family Constellation sessions with Barry in March after the stay-at-home orders in Illinois were implemented. I have experienced the same quality of profound depth, intuition, and healing through Family Constellation online sessions as I did in person. Barry is able to pick up on and address vibrational realities that he addresses in Family Constellation work regardless of physical distance. This further speaks to the healing that takes place on a fine vibrational field beyond physical limitations in Family Constellation sessions.
I am a psychotherapist in training. The clearing of my aura and psyche as a result of Family Constellation work has greatly improved my presence with my clients and significantly expanded on the positive changes I witness in them as a result. I have gained so much greater access to my deeply buried true nature as a result of this priceless work, and I will always be grateful to Barry."
-- L.A., Chicago, IL, Psychotherapist in training
"For the first time in my life, I don't walk around laden with feelings of guilt for everything I did/do/say/think. For once I can look at myself and consider myself created just as God wanted to create me, not full of flaws that make me faulty, less than a real person, and a disappointment to God and other people.”
-- R. P. Chicago, IL
"What I didn’t realize until I met Barry Krost is that the thing for which I was searching, the reason I was exhausting all available therapies, the piece of my life for which I was longing so terribly was within me. In my first session with Barry, he created a space for me so that I could feel what love is. “Do you feel that expansiveness? Right here,” he asked as he put his hand on my heart. “That is always there. You can have that whenever you want.”
Since then, Barry and I have had breakthroughs in every session. From children to career, to my theatrical life, to education, to cleaning, to math, to test taking, to childhood, to in-laws and grandparents, Barry has shown me through Family Constellations that we can find the root of whatever keeps us from moving forward. Never have I experienced a therapy or therapist so truthful, pure, and effective. I owe him more than I can express."
-- E. C., (Chicago, IL)
"It took me many years to attend a Family Constellation Workshop with Barry Krost. I tend to lean towards evidence-based interventions that are logical and pragmatic. Eventually I found this approach to be limiting, and my conventional strategies of psychotherapy and medication were not working. I felt stuck, in a rut, revisiting the same past hurts again and again and living a day-to-day life haunted by a pervasive anxiety and chronic pain. One day, I took a what-the-hell it's only $45 attitude, and figured at the very least it couldn't hurt.
I was completely blown away. This form of therapy is so much more holistic than anything that I have tried before, and I have done the gamut (CBT, EMDR, MBSR, somatic-emotional release, client-centered psychotherapy, internal family systems, etc.) Family Constellation Workshops are physical, kinesthetic, emotional, and spiritual work. I grew up in a less than supportive environment and I tend to be highly critical of myself, and often unfairly of others. The unconditional and unwavering support of this group was truly profound. The people in the workshop helped ground me in knowledge that I began to accept at an emotional level rather than superficial intellectual understanding.
To give an example, at one point I leaned back into a line of about seven women who were standing there with the sole purpose of supporting me. As my resistance and need to be in control finally began to soften, the woman behind me spontaneously began to hum like a mother does to a child. Almost immediately, I melted and I began to weep, not in the half choked sobs I am familiar with, but a gentle catharsis of grief I had been holding on to for years. I had held so many others up in times of pain, given when I had nothing left to give, and now I leaned back into the steady strength of a literal line of women and a symbolic lineage of mothers. Their wordless, selfless compassion registered in my body and soul and lifted me up. Barry intuited that I was rushing myself, ashamed of taking too much time... and he told me "take all the time you need. This is for you," and he whispered to the woman behind me "she's never had this before." He was right. For the first time I truly *felt* that I was not alone. I was supported, I was cherished, loved, and safe. In the sacredness of that space I was finally able to *receive* and I will carry it with me always.
-- E, (Madison, WI)
"Barry's distinctions of the Barely Dead and the Radiant Dead and how to work with them in the Constellations context are enormously helpful to my own healing process and in my work with others. Through two visualization processes, I was able to support ancestors who didn't know they were dead on towards their Peace and Loves on the other side. Barry works in a way that is very respectful of the Dead and their role in support of the Living. He is also very conscious of bringing to awareness and healing what has held these ancestors in our field."
-- Marianne Connor