Perpetrator and Victim Dynamics
Trauma, Family History, and the Impact Across Generations
Introduction
Every family has a history. Some histories include experiences that are painful, tragic, or difficult to speak about. These may involve violence, abuse, war, persecution, betrayal, neglect, or exploitation. From a systemic perspective, such experiences may continue to influence later generations when they remain unresolved or unacknowledged.
Even when these events occurred many generations ago, their effects may continue influencing connection, relationships, entanglements, and loyalties within the family system.
Family Constellations explores how extremely challenging experiences can remain active within a family system long after the original events have passed. Family histories that include perpetrators and victims can be among the most challenging to look at.
When the Past Is Never Fully Past
Families often have a difficult time moving forward after these painful experiences. What cannot be acknowledged may become concealed within the family.
People may believe that what is not spoken about no longer matters. Yet many families continue carrying the emotional impact of experiences that were never fully acknowledged. The event may be over. Its effects may not be.
The Burden of Secrecy
Perpetrator and victim experiences are often surrounded by secrecy. What cannot be acknowledged may be expressed through silence, denial, shame, avoidance, or rage.
Children and later generations frequently sense that something is missing, even when they do not know the details. They may carry fear, tension, or confusion without understanding where those feelings come from.
What remains hidden often continues to influence the family system.
When Later Generations Carry the Past
Family Constellations observes that descendants sometimes become connected to unresolved family experiences in unexpected ways. Without fully understanding why, people may struggle with fear, shame, anger, anxiety, emotional overwhelm, or difficulty trusting others. These experiences may reflect unconscious connections to unresolved family history rather than personal experience alone.
Some describe feeling as though they are carrying something larger than themselves. These experiences are often understood as unconscious loyalties within the family system. Some family members may become loyal to and entangled with the perpetrator, while others may become loyal to the victim. Even siblings may become entangled differently, with one connected to the perpetrator and another to the victim.
The Impact on Relationships
Perpetrator and victim dynamics can affect how people relate to others. Some people become highly guarded, while others struggle with trust, intimacy, vulnerability, conflict, or emotional closeness. These relationship patterns may reflect adaptations to unresolved family experiences that continue influencing later generations.
Family members may also unconsciously recreate aspects of the original experiences or events in their own lives and relationships. They may find partners who somehow feel like the original perpetrator or victim, without understanding why the relationship feels so familiar. In this way, aspects of perpetrator and victim dynamics from previous generations may be recreated in present-day relationships.
People may find themselves caught between wanting connection, fearing connection, and feeling rage at the same time. The result can be repeated relationship difficulties, emotional distance, a persistent sense of insecurity, or violent or criminal actions.
Shame, Guilt, and Responsibility
Experiences involving harm often leave behind powerful feelings of shame and guilt. Families may struggle to acknowledge what happened, who was harmed, and who was responsible.
Yet unresolved shame rarely disappears on its own. What remains hidden may continue to influence later generations in subtle but meaningful ways.
A Family Constellation with representatives for the original perpetrators and victims allows responsibility to be recognized and can begin to separate what belongs to those who caused harm from what later generations may have unconsciously carried.
Bert Hellinger's Perspective
Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations, observed that both victims and perpetrators remain part of the family system.
Victims need to be seen and their suffering acknowledged. Perpetrators need to have an opportunity to take responsibility for the harm they caused and to express their guilt.
Hellinger often observed that when either victims or perpetrators are excluded from awareness, later generations may unconsciously become entangled with what has not been acknowledged.
The Importance of Acknowledgment
One of the most important movements toward healing is acknowledgment. Acknowledgment is a willingness to face reality as it is, recognizing what happened without denying, minimizing, judging, pitying, or rewriting it.
Restoring Humanity
A movement toward healing becomes possible when victims are seen in their suffering and perpetrators have an opportunity to take responsibility for the harm they caused and express their guilt. Perpetrators and victims are allowed to take their places in the family system and be recognized in their humanity. In some instances, a perpetrator or victim may be free to return to their own family system.
As each takes their place and responsibility returns to those to whom it belongs, later generations may begin to separate from loyalties, guilt, suffering, and burdens they have unconsciously carried.
Movement Toward Healing with Family Constellations
Healing often begins with:
acknowledging what happened without denying or minimizing it
recognizing both suffering and responsibility
bringing hidden family experiences into awareness
allowing excluded people their place within the family story
separating from burdens that may not belong to later generations
developing greater compassion for the complexity of family history
Through Family Constellations in groups, individual sessions, or workshops, people can explore how trauma, violence, secrecy, exclusion, and unresolved family experiences may continue influencing later generations while allowing what belongs to the past to be recognized more clearly.
Through this process, participants may experience:
greater understanding of family patterns
reduced emotional burden
increased self-compassion
healthier relationships
greater emotional resilience
a deeper sense of connection and belonging
A Grounded Perspective
Perpetrator and victim dynamics are complex and often involve profound trauma.
Family Constellations offers one perspective for understanding how violence, abuse, secrecy, exclusion, shame, and unresolved family experiences may continue influencing relationships and family systems across generations.
This perspective does not replace trauma-informed therapy, psychological care, psychiatric treatment, medical care, or crisis support.
Family Constellations provides one way of exploring how family history and unresolved family dynamics may influence present-day experiences while recognizing the complexity of trauma and the importance of appropriate professional support.
About the Author
Barry Krost has been studying Family Constellations since 2003 and has over 40 years of experience in bodywork, somatic education, and systemic healing. He teaches Family Constellations internationally, mentors facilitators through his Training & Certification Program, and has presented at international systemic constellations conferences. His Resource Library reflects decades of professional experience and ongoing study, offering clear, thoughtful, and grounded education to help individuals and professionals better understand Family Constellations.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What are perpetrator and victim dynamics in Family Constellations?
Perpetrator and victim dynamics refer to experiences in which harm has occurred between people, including violence, abuse, betrayal, persecution, exploitation, or other traumatic events. Family Constellations explores how unresolved experiences involving victims and perpetrators may continue influencing families across generations.
How can these dynamics affect later generations?
Later generations may become unconsciously loyal to or entangled with perpetrators, victims, or both. These connections may influence relationships, emotional experiences, behavior, and the partners people choose. Even siblings within the same family may become connected to different sides of the original perpetrator and victim dynamic.
Can descendants become connected to victims or perpetrators?
Yes. Some family members may become unconsciously loyal to or entangled with a perpetrator, while others may become loyal to a victim. Even siblings may become connected differently, with one entangled with the perpetrator and another with the victim.
Can perpetrator and victim dynamics repeat in later relationships?
Family Constellations observes that aspects of perpetrator and victim experiences from previous generations may sometimes be recreated in present-day relationships. A person may find a partner who somehow feels like the original perpetrator or victim without understanding why the relationship feels so familiar.
What happens to perpetrators in a Family Constellation?
Representatives for perpetrators may have an opportunity to recognize the harm that was caused, take responsibility, and express guilt. This can help responsibility return to those to whom it belongs rather than continuing to be carried by later generations.
What does it mean for perpetrators and victims to take their places?
In a Family Constellation, perpetrators and victims may be allowed to take their places in relation to what happened. In some instances, a perpetrator or victim may also be free to return to their own family system. This can help later generations separate from loyalties and burdens connected to the original events.
How can representatives help explore perpetrator and victim dynamics?
Representatives for the original perpetrators and victims can provide one way of exploring relationships, loyalties, guilt, responsibility, and entanglements connected to what happened. As the constellation develops, responsibility may become clearer and later generations may begin to separate from what they have unconsciously carried.
Does acknowledgment mean forgiveness or reconciliation?
No. Acknowledgment does not require forgiveness, reconciliation, or renewed contact. Acknowledgment is a willingness to face reality as it is, recognizing what happened without denying, minimizing, judging, pitying, or rewriting it.
Can someone honor a victim without remaining connected to their suffering?
Family Constellations offers one way of understanding that love and loyalty do not require later generations to continue carrying another person's suffering. Acknowledging what happened and honoring those who suffered may allow descendants to relate to the past differently.
Is Family Constellations a substitute for trauma therapy?
No. Family Constellations does not replace trauma-informed psychotherapy, psychological or psychiatric care, medical treatment, or crisis support. It offers a systemic perspective that may complement other forms of professional support.
