A Dynamic Exchange of Life: Giving and Taking in Ancient Cultures - Keynote Address - Barry Krost
[This keynote address was presented at the ISCA Gathering in Merida, Mexico on October 25, 2025
The need for reciprocity in ancient hunting and gathering cultures was essential to survival. Constant giving and taking created strong social connections and structures that could help protect everyone in the group from the dangers and challenges of life.
We see the same in family systems where the giving and taking from one generation to the next, between parents and children and between family members is necessary for life to continue. We also see what happens when giving and taking in a family become dysfunctional leading to entanglements, blind love, parentification and more.
My interest in reciprocity, or dynamic exchange, can be traced back to my school days in the mid-1970s. During one of my favorite classes about societies and cultures, we watched a documentary about the ǃKung, a hunting and gathering culture that lived on the western edge of the Kalahari desert in Southern Africa.
The ǃKung are members of the San people, are one of the world’s oldest cultures. Scientific evidence suggests they have lived in southern Africa for at least 20,000 years, possibly even longer. Genetic evidence indicates that their ancestors may have lived up to 100,000 to 200,000 years ago. They are one of the last living examples of the ancient hunting and gathering way of life.
The documentary we watched then was called “The Hunters.” In the film we watch four !Kung men hunting a giraffe over a five-day period in using their traditional methods. The !Kung hunter used very small, poisoned arrow to catch their prey. Then they would have to follow the animal until it finally collapsed to the poison.
While the documentary about the hunt was really fascinating, but what really left a deep-rooted impression on me was the distribution of the giraffe meat after the hunt. Initially, each member of the hunt took a portion for their families. However, upon returning to their village, the remaining meat was distributed through a network of giving and taking based on kinship, friendship, and group membership.
Within just a few hours, everyone in the group received meat from the hunt, ensuring that no one went hungry or left out. Even then, it was evident to me that every exchange strengthened the bonds between family members, kinship, and group members. With each sharing of meat, life was given and received. Each member of the group was valued, and their value was expressed through the exchange of meat.
Despite it being a film, I felt the energy and essence of this dynamic exchange of life deeply. It stirred something within me that I couldn’t quite explain.
Soon after I watched the documentary, I began to consider becoming an Anthropologist so I could learn more about this feeling and how this kind of sharing could give me insight about how the larger world might be repaired.
In college I studied Anthropology and I was able to learn about about hunting and gathering cultures like the !Kung. While I loved Anthropology, I decided not to pursue a PhD. Somehow it wasn’t what I was looking for. It wasn’t until I encountered Family Constellations that I really began to understand the giving and taking I had witnessed in the Hunters.
Who were the hunters and gatherers?
Before the rise of agriculture, humans lived in hunting and gathering bands, nomadic and semi-nomadic communities, small kin groups living largely by foraging, hunting, fishing, gathering. Anthropologists estimate that humans lived for tens of thousands of years in these groups until only perhaps 10,000 or 12,000 years ago (and even today some groups live still live similarly). These cultures were characterized by a remarkable degree of social cohesion, with the needs of the group often taking precedence over individual desires.
While the challenges faced by hunting and gathering groups were real, their systems of social organization proved highly effective in ensuring survival in a harsh and unpredictable world. Even though some individuals might be more skilled at hunting or gathering, the group as a whole operated on the principle of collective well-being. The survival of the group depended on how well members could cooperate and share resources.
The majority of exchanges were essential for life, and the giving and taking benefited everyone in the group through networks and connections rooted in kinship, social obligations, and friendship. Rather than being governed by formal systems of trade or currency, these exchanges operated through trust, reciprocity, and shared responsibility.
Among hunting and gathering cultures, the ability to share was as vital as the ability to hunt or gather. Food sources such as hunted game, gathered fruits, or foraged plants were often unpredictable and unevenly distributed and often came in bursts of plenty followed by scarcity.
A successful hunt could yield more than a single family could consume, while an unsuccessful one might leave the same group empty-handed. Sharing ensured that resources were distributed more evenly and that no one starved. Those who gave freely when they had abundance could expect to receive in times of scarcity. This mutual dependence created a system of reciprocity that formed the foundation of social bonds.
Dynamic reciprocity reinforced long-term trust and solidarity within the group. Constantly sharing served both practical and emotional purposes. On a practical level, it reduced the risk of starvation by spreading resources throughout the group. On an emotional and moral level, it reinforced the value of generosity and reminded everyone that cooperation was the key to survival. In these cultures, a reputation for generosity elevated one’s social standing far more than personal wealth could. The hunter who shared his catch freely gained prestige, respect, and allies, while the one who hoarded risked ridicule or exclusion.
Kinship formed the foundation for much of this exchange. Family bonds were the most immediate and trusted channels of giving and taking. Parents shared with children, siblings supported one another, and extended family networks created safety nets that extended across generations. However, these ancient cultures were not isolated family units; they were interconnected communities. Many hunting and gathering groups had alliances and friendships with members of other groups.
Dynamic reciprocity extended beyond material goods. Knowledge, skills, songs, and stories were among the most valuable gifts one could offer. Teaching another person how to track animals, identify edible plants, or craft tools was essential to the survival of the group. Storytelling served not only as entertainment but also as moral education. Stories passed from generation to generation emphasized the importance of sharing, warned against greed, and celebrated the communal values that sustained life.
Even rituals and ceremonies often reflected these principles of reciprocity. Feasting, for example, was a common practice among many ancient cultures, where individuals or families would host large communal meals to celebrate successful hunts or seasonal abundance. These events were opportunities to redistribute wealth, strengthen alliances, and display generosity. The act of giving during such gatherings elevated the social status of the giver, demonstrating both their capability and their commitment to the welfare of the group.
Even outside ritual contexts, giving had symbolic meanings that extended into spiritual beliefs. Many ancient cultures saw the natural world itself as engaged in a cycle of giving and receiving. The earth gave food, the rain gave life, and humans, in turn, were expected to give back—through offerings, rituals, or acts of gratitude. To take from the land without giving back was to disrupt this sacred balance.
The !Kung of the Kalahari Desert
The !Kung developed a rich culture of sharing and cooperation that sustained their communities in a harsh, semi-arid environment. Among the !Kung, food sharing—especially of meat—was one of the most important social dynamics. When a hunter killed a large animal, the meat was distributed widely among all the families in the camp rather than being kept for his own household. Later, when another hunter was successful, he too would share his catch. Over time, this pattern created a system of mutual exchange in which everyone gave and received, though not necessarily at the same time or in equal measure. This ongoing circulation of resources built a network of trust and reciprocity that ensured the well-being of the entire group.
The practice of food sharing served multiple functions beyond meeting basic needs. It guaranteed that no family went hungry, even during times when hunting was unsuccessful, and it strengthened kinship ties, since much of the exchange occurred among relatives and in-laws. Sharing was not only practical but also moral generosity was valued as a core virtue, while greed or hoarding was strongly discouraged through humor, teasing, and social pressure. This moral code fostered cooperation, humility, and emotional balance, maintaining harmony within the group. Through their culture of sharing, the !Kung demonstrated how cooperation, empathy, and equality could flourish even in a resource-scarce environment.
The Inuit of the Arctic
The Inuit of the Arctic developed a deeply cooperative way of life that enabled them to survive in one of the harshest climates on Earth. In a landscape of ice and scarcity, they relied on hunting seals, whales, walrus, and caribou. A successful hunt meant food for all — the meat was shared widely, reinforcing bonds of kinship and trust. Reciprocity ensured that families supported one another through both abundance and hardship, creating a resilient social safety net.
Cooperation extended beyond food. Families helped one another build shelters, raise children, and teach survival skills. Elders and skilled hunters passed on knowledge of weather, navigation, and animal behavior, ensuring continuity and respect for the land. Children learned early that generosity was a virtue and selfishness a breach of harmony — lessons woven through stories, humor, and daily life. Inuit children a deep sense of belonging, security, trust, empathy, and resilience.
The Chichimeca of Northern Mexico
The Chichimeca of northern Mexico, along with groups in Baja California and the northwestern deserts, lived as hunter-gatherers adapted to extremely arid regions. They relied on hunting, gathering, and foraging wild plants such as agave, cactus fruits, and mesquite beans. Their mobility and deep knowledge of seasonal cycles allowed them to find food and water in an unforgiving landscape.
They organized themselves into small, mobile bands of extended families. Leadership was informal, based on experience and skill, and cooperation was essential for survival. Tools of stone, bone, and wood were used for hunting small game and processing plants that provided food, fiber, and materials for daily life.
Family and kinship formed the heart of Chichimeca society. Knowledge was passed through stories, songs, and shared practice. This cooperative structure fostered trust, resilience, and emotional security — qualities vital for survival in a harsh environment.
The Chichimeca lived sustainably through adaptability, reciprocity, and deep respect for the land — embodying the enduring strengths of hunting and gathering cultures across the world.
Childcare Was A Collective Responsibility
An important aspect of giving and taking in ancient cultures was reflected in the way children were raised. In hunting and gathering cultures, mothers raising children were supported by the entire community through strong systems of sharing and cooperation. Childcare was a collective responsibility: other women, grandmothers, and older siblings helped care for infants, while food and resources were shared among all members. This meant that mothers did not have to provide for their children alone.
Grandmothers played a particularly important role by sharing food, experience, and knowledge, which helped mothers raise healthy children and have more frequent births. Because food was distributed communally, mothers and their children remained well-nourished even when they were unable to hunt or gather themselves.
The flexible structure of daily life allowed mothers to balance childcare with gathering and social activities. Raising children was a communal effort that strengthened social bonds and ensured the survival of both the group and future generations.
Gathering enabled mothers to remain in close physical contact with their children, fostering strong emotional attachment and trust. Cooperative child-rearing created a sense of security and belonging, with the mother at the emotional center of the child’s world. Infants were kept close—carried in slings while their mothers gathered, walked, or socialized—and were breastfed on demand. Even as children grew older, they were rarely left alone, reinforcing their sense of safety and secure attachment throughout childhood.
Among the !Kung, children formed very secure attachments to their mothers—and the way of life made this possible. !Kung children typically grew up calm, curious, and confident.
Through the strong bond between mother and child, and the community’s cooperative approach to child-rearing, children grew up feeling safe, seen, loved, and well-nourished. These close, nurturing relationships fostered a deep sense of security and belonging, helping children develop social skills, confidence, and empathy. In turn, they became caring, capable members of their community—ready to participate in the shared, cooperative life that had nurtured them.
Limitations to Hunting and Gathering Cultures
While hunting and gathering cultures were highly effective in many ways, they also had certain limitations. Their survival depended heavily on the availability of natural resources, which could fluctuate with the seasons or change due to climate shifts or in times of environmental crisis. Because food sources were not always predictable, groups often had to move frequently, limiting the accumulation of material possessions and making long-term settlement difficult.
Another challenge was the difficulty of maintaining social harmony in larger groups. As the size of a group increased, it became harder to maintain close kinship ties and ensure that all members were equally invested in the welfare of the group. With agriculture and ownership came security but the once living flow of giving and taking tightened into patterns of possession and power.
Hunting and Gathering Cultures and the Orders of Love.
When we look at hunting and gathering cultures, we can see that they are a natural social organization for the Orders of Love. Their daily life was a constant reflection of the natural laws the govern families at the systemic level .
Hellinger observed that love, in order to flow freely within families follows certain natural laws that include belonging, the balance between giving and receiving, and the honoring of order — especially between parents and children.
For hunter-gatherers, they were the very conditions for survival.
The constant flow of love within family systems was reflected at the cultural level through the constant flow of what was needed for the group’s survival. Hunters shared meat with those who couldn’t hunt, gatherers shared fruit and roots with the entire camp, elders offered stories and guidance, and young people provided strength and joy.
These patterns ensured that the group maintained a life with strong social connections that supported the underlying family systems within it.
The Orders of Love.
1. Giving and taking must remain in balance for love and connection to flow.
2. Parents give, and Children take
3. Parents give more than Children
4. Love succeeds best when children are children and parent are parents.
5. All family members have an equal right to belong
6. A family system feels whole and complete when everyone belongs
7. Precedence is based on time – who came before is first
8. The newest family or system has precedence over a previous family or system – new life has priority
9. Families must release the past that no longer has a good effect
When the Order of Love are violated
1. Terror emptiness rage and despair (without Safe, seen, loved and nourished)
2. Interrupted movement
3. Blind love, Entanglements
4. Perpetrator and victim dynamics
5. Men who have no chance. Women who are not supported
6. Addictions, greed, abuse, war, violence
Giving and Taking
Hunting and gathering cultures are a living model of Bert Hellinger’s principle of give and take that sustains healthy relationships.
As we have seen so far giving and receiving was the dynamic force that allowed the group to survive and prosper. It transcended mere exchanges of goods, serving as the bedrock of relationships, balance, and belonging within the group and with the natural world.
Sharing meat, gathered foods, and tools ensured that everyone’s needs were met. This mutual exchange fostered a sense of community and affirmed each individual’s place within the group. No one felt isolated or indebted, as generosity created a harmonious social fabric. Children learned early that the more they gave, the more they belonged.
For many hunting and gathering cultures, balance was vital—not only among humans but also between people, animals, and the land. Everything they received was precious to people facing survival every day. Appropriate giving and receiving were essential to maintain the world’s order. Overaccumulation or withholding was considered dangerous, as it disrupted the natural flow of life’s gifts.
Parents and Children
At the core of this shared group life was the profound relationship between parents and children. Parents were the first givers, offering life itself—an irreplaceable and unrepayable gift. From birth, infants received nourishment, shelter, and constant care.
Parents taught their children to identify edible plants, track animals, respect fire, and interpret the signs of wind and water. In every gesture of care, the flow of giving flowed seamlessly from parent to child.
The child’s initial task in love was to receive—to embrace nourishment, protection, and knowledge with open arms and unwavering trust. When children received with gratitude, a sense of balance was maintained within the family system and their group life.
In hunting and gathering cultures, children held a central place in the community’s existence and the entire group worked together to raise them. Infant mortality was high, so each surviving life was crucial to the well-being of the family and the group.
Parents were supported in maintaining healthy parent-child relationships with the constant support of grandparents and unrelated adults who assisted in feeding, protecting, and educating the young. Gathering enabled mothers to remain in close physical contact with their children, fostering strong emotional attachment, trust and they could be breastfed on demand. Even as children grew older, they were rarely left alone, reinforcing their sense of safety and secure attachment throughout childhood.
Every exchange, act of sharing, and struggle for survival was, in some way, centered around the children. In these cultures, children felt safe, seen, loved and nourished took life from their parents with natural ease. These close, nurturing relationships fostered a deep sense of security and belonging, helping children develop social skills, confidence, and empathy. In turn, they became caring, capable members of their community—ready to participate in the shared, cooperative life that had nurtured them.
The laughter, play, and affection surrounding children were among the strongest social glues that united them in their shared efforts at survival, infusing their lives with joy, tenderness, and meaning.
Belonging
In hunting and gathering cultures, belonging was immediate and essential for survival. Life itself depended on being part of the group — not as an abstract social structure, but as a living, breathing organism of mothers, fathers, children, elders, and ancestors. Their lives were intertwined by necessity and affection, and each person had a rightful place. No one could be easily excluded.
This profound sense of belonging formed the foundation upon which all other social structures were built. Each person’s existence was woven into this web of kinship and care. Their interdependence was essential: they hunted, gathered, shared, and mourned together. No one could live alone for long, and no one could be easily excluded.
This sense of belonging was mirrored in the natural world around them, where all beings had a place and purpose. To belong was to participate in the ongoing exchange of life, of giving and receiving among people, animals, and the land. Elders held memory, children embodied renewal, and ancestors remained present in stories, dreams, and rituals.
In hunting and gathering families the necessity of everyone belonging with the family system was continually affirmed as the foundation and the expression of life itself.
Hierarchy and precedence
Among hunting and gatherers, the orders that governed honoring hierarchy and precedence were also part of their ancient cultures. The relationship between the group and its elders was a reciprocal flow of care.
Elders provided guidance, memory, shared stories, and offered ancestral connections, while the group offered care, attention, and inclusion. Survival depended on the knowledge passed down through generations, and elders served as guardians of memory. Elders possessed an extensive knowledge of various aspects of life, including finding food and water, migration routes, animal behaviors, seasonal cycles, healing plants, and kinship histories.
They were living repositories of ecological, moral, and spiritual wisdom, weaving cosmology and moral guidance into narratives through oral tradition. They served a vital role in the group, and they were honored and respected.
They also played a crucial role in mediating relationships and maintaining order. They calmed conflicts, reminded people of their kinship ties, and restored reciprocity and balance when emotions or rivalries threatened harmony.
Priority and Precedence.
In hunting and gathering cultures couple relationships were based on reciprocity with the goal of creating new life that they would nurture. When the balance of giving and taking between a man and a woman broke down — when affection, cooperation, or shared responsibility no longer sustained the pair — separation was accepted as part of life’s movement. The new family unit became the focus of their sharing. .
When a relationship concluded, and a man or woman entered into a new partnership, the community ensured that the former partner and their children remained part of the network of giving and taking—cared for, remembered, and respected—even as they established their new household.
In Bert Hellinger’s systemic understanding, he recognized this ancient dynamic that while the newest family has priority the older children their parent must also have a place in the flow of the family’s love and respect. The earlier partner came first and deserved acknowledgment and respect. The children from that relationship also retain their full belonging, remaining part of his family system and holding precedence in order of birth.
The Past Must Withdraw
Bert Hellinger’s observation that “the past must withdraw” resonates with the natural order of life and death. It suggests that the past must be acknowledged, honored, and then allowed to move on. When the living cling to the past the flow of life becomes disrupted.
For hunter and gatherers change was constant and time was cyclical. To hold onto the past was not possible. Hunters and gatherers perceived time as a circle, not a linear progression.
Life, death, and rebirth mirrored the patterns of nature: the rising and setting of the sun, the waxing and waning of the moon, the return of rains, the migration of animals, and the growth and dwindling of plants.
Births were celebrated communally, affirming the unbroken cycle of generations. Death was rarely seen as an end but as a transformative process. Elders often spoke of death as a “return to the source,” emphasizing continuity with those who came before and those yet to come.
The future cannot enter unless the past withdraws.
Conclusion
From the time I first viewed the documentary on the Hunters and later in my anthropological studies of hunting and gathering people I was fascinated by their reciprocity and how this contributed to their sense of belonging.
I thought a lot about how these ancient cultures survival and harmony depended upon a continuous exchange of care, knowledge, and resources, ensuring that no one was excluded from the group’s well-being. And clearly our lack of dynamic reciprocity threatens our survival today.
Years later, when I encountered Family Constellations, I began to realize these were the same movements of giving and taking that Bert Hellinger described. The flow of giving and taking that held those small communities together reflected the need for love to flow within families—the same need for balance and belonging. The reciprocity that sustained the !Kung, the Inuit, and the Chichimeca is an ancient expression of systemic harmony—an echo of the Orders of Love in motion.
Family Constellations are in a sense, a kind of systemic archaeology. Beneath the entanglements, exclusions, and pain, we glimpse the fragments of an ancient life — one in which family and community were in one continuous field of belonging.
The brokenness we encounter in Family Constellations occur in a world where the reciprocity that once supported the family systems has fallen away. We are looking at what happens when the family system must bear the challenges of life without a community or society based on reciprocity.
We may not be able to restore the most essential elements of the hunting and gathering cultures which once held and supported life so well. But through Family Constellations, we can feel and experience the benefits of dynamics reciprocity for our family systems. Perhaps this understanding can help us to find new ways to bring these benefits to the world we live in today.
